<br><table width='100%' cellpadding=3 cellspacing=3 border=0><tr valign='top'><th>Achievement</th><th>How to unlock
</th></tr><tr valign='top'><td>Calm Down Dear</td><td>Calm the Wizard 50 times.
</td></tr><tr valign='top'><td>Fedorable</td><td>Date night with Hat Chan.
</td></tr><tr valign='top'><td>Flat Cap</td><td>Get Squashed 100 times.
</td></tr><tr valign='top'><td>Hat-equate</td><td>Collect 10 Hats.
</td></tr><tr valign='top'><td>Hat-tacular</td><td>Collect 1000 Hats.
</td></tr><tr valign='top'><td>Hat-tality</td><td>Collect 5000 Hats.
</td></tr><tr valign='top'><td>Hat-vancing</td><td>Collect 100 Hats.
</td></tr><tr valign='top'><td>How To Win Friends and Sacrifice People</td><td>Unlock all alter-egos.
</td></tr><tr valign='top'><td>Identity Crisis</td><td>Unlock your first alter-ego.
</td></tr><tr valign='top'><td>No Foreplay</td><td>Violate Hatchan immediately.
</td></tr><tr valign='top'><td>Rise of the Hat Lord</td><td>Unlock Rondo Mode.
</td></tr><tr valign='top'><td>Sleeping on the Job</td><td>Catch a Hat without moving from your starting position.
</td></tr><tr valign='top'><td>Stovepipe</td><td>Get Impaled 100 times.
</td></tr><tr valign='top'><td>The Fun Never Stops</td><td>Play all mini games.
</td></tr><tr valign='top'><td>The King is Dead, Long Live The Hats</td><td>Complete Rondo Mode.
</td></tr><tr valign='top'><td>The Sorcerer's Annoyance</td><td>Feel the Wizards Wrath 50 times.
</td></tr><tr valign='top'><td>Wait What</td><td>Play your first mini game.
</td></tr><tr valign='top'><td>Well-Read</td><td>Read all text on the Story Screen.
</td></tr></table>
