| Achievement | How to unlock
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|---|
| 100% (30 points) | Unlock all upgrades, view all endings, find all the vinyls, and collect all the crowns in the game.
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| Bedside Manner (15 points) | Had a long conversation with your upgrade station S.T.A.B.I.L.E
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| Buster Run (65 points) | Beat the game without buying a single upgrade.
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| Butterfingers (15 points) | As a result of being defeated, dropped a princess.
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| Buzz Off! (30 points) | Beat Dash in Insektia without taking any damage.
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| Chatty Cathys (15 points) | See all the dialogue scenes in Heartless Abyss.
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| Chomped! (15 points) | Found the hidden monster at the villain museum.
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| Combustalicious (15 points) | Defeat 50 enemies with grenades.
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| Dark Hearted (30 points) | Activate the Doom Howitzer.
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| Dark Pact (15 points) | Honored the terms of your dark pact with Kaptain Man.
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| Do Not Pass Go (15 points) | Put Dr. Cackle under arrest.
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| Drop The Axe (15 points) | Feel like a plumber.
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| Existential Terror (15 points) | Contemplate the true form of princess Farrah.
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| Farrahs For Days (15 points) | Find and rescue Farrah's brothers.
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| Feeling Motivated! (15 points) | Listened to the heroes entire motivational speech at Bramble flats.
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| Feeling Punchy (15 points) | Defeat 20 enemies with punches.
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| Good Advice (15 points) | Give princess Mayapple a good advice.
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| Grenadier (15 points) | Defeat 20 enemies with grenades.
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| Harbinger Of Doom (15 points) | Unlock Farrah's Folly.
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| Implicated (15 points) | Read all 16 terminals in Adept Co. and discover who funded the sinister organization.
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| Jerk With a Heart of Gold (15 points) | Do not activate the Doom Howitzer.
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| King Crow (30 points) | Find all the crowns in the game.
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| Leap Of Faith (15 points) | Get the first crown in Sukochi.
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| Lineage of Tyranny (15 points) | Read all of the portrait descriptions of Crow's Lineage in his wing at the Villain Museum.
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| New Exhibit (15 points) | Defeat the Treble Rangers at the Villain Museum.
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| Office Romance (15 points) | Get chosen by Becky in the dating show.
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| Oh, The Huge Manatee! (15 points) | Defeat 100 enemies with grenades.
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| Punchmageddon (15 points) | Defeat 100 enemies with punches.
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| Punchsplosion! (15 points) | Defeat 50 enemies with punches.
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| Scrooge (15 points) | Counting any amount spent, gather a grand total of 10,000 lucre.
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| Speed Run (30 points) | Complete Rattletrack Rails without dying.
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| Stick and Move (30 points) | Defeat Guryon in Winterdown without getting hit once.
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| Stop Hitting Yourself! Stop Hitting Yourself (15 points) | Destroy the swat van with one of it's own bazooka blasts.
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| Talk to the Hand (30 points) | Defeat Mack at Adept Co. without getting hit once.
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| Technological Superiority (30 points) | Beat Dash, Guryon and the 8-bit heroes without dying or taking damage at the Bramble Flats.
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| The Dating Game (15 points) | Participate in the dating game.
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| The Purple Pauper (65 points) | Beat the game having collected less than 1,000 lucre.
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| The True Mastermind (90 points) | Achieve S-Ranks on all stages.
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| Traitors! (30 points) | Defeat Mechano using only his own missiles.
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| True Friends (15 points) | Get the good ending.
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| Up close and personal (15 points) | Beat any stage by only punching, without firing a single long ranged weapon.
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| Virtuoso (30 points) | Unlock all the music for the Jukebox.
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| War Machine (30 points) | Buy every upgrade in the upgrade shop.
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| What You Always Wanted (15 points) | Get the bad ending.
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