<br><table width='100%' cellpadding=3 cellspacing=3 border=0><tr valign='top'><th>Achievement</th><th>How to unlock
</th></tr><tr valign='top'><td>A bomb?</td><td>Get killed by the suicide droid.
</td></tr><tr valign='top'><td>Audiophile</td><td>Obtain every audiolog.
</td></tr><tr valign='top'><td>Balls of Steel</td><td>Beat the game without dying.
</td></tr><tr valign='top'><td>Bibliophile</td><td>Obtain every page.
</td></tr><tr valign='top'><td>Breakfast is ruined</td><td>Boil away all the water and burn the toast.
</td></tr><tr valign='top'><td>Homer's Odyssey</td><td>Eat every donut.
</td></tr><tr valign='top'><td>Impulse 101</td><td>Obtain every weapon.
</td></tr><tr valign='top'><td>Killing Spree</td><td>Destroy 3 bots in 2 seconds or less.
</td></tr><tr valign='top'><td>Mission Successful</td><td>Fly the Xanadu back to Earth.
</td></tr><tr valign='top'><td>Murderer</td><td>Destroy every cleaner bot.
</td></tr><tr valign='top'><td>Old School</td><td>Unlock the bonus mini-games.
</td></tr><tr valign='top'><td>Please put your seats in the upright position</td><td>Put every toilet seat up.
</td></tr><tr valign='top'><td>Sacrifice</td><td>Fly the Xanadu into a star.
</td></tr><tr valign='top'><td>Scanners</td><td>Scan the Xanadu with the Survey Bot.
</td></tr><tr valign='top'><td>Sign him up for the Knicks!</td><td>Score a basketball goal.
</td></tr><tr valign='top'><td>Silver Shower</td><td>Destroy a robot with the showers.
</td></tr><tr valign='top'><td>Smashed</td><td>Get drunk.
</td></tr><tr valign='top'><td>Speedrunner</td><td>Beat the game in 10 minutes or less.
</td></tr><tr valign='top'><td>Surgeon General's Warning</td><td>Smoke yourself to death.
</td></tr><tr valign='top'><td>The King of the Dead</td><td>Become king of the zombies.
</td></tr><tr valign='top'><td>Trumpet-Major</td><td>Experience an attack of flatulence.
</td></tr><tr valign='top'><td>Wasted</td><td>Get killed by the environment.
</td></tr><tr valign='top'><td>Xanadu Book Club</td><td>Find and read "The Unusual Death of Governor Li".
</td></tr><tr valign='top'><td>You don't have mail</td><td>Read every e-mail.
</td></tr><tr valign='top'><td>You've always been the caretaker…</td><td>Stay aboard the Xanadu.
</td></tr></table>
