Had a rough time getting a foothold in the game we know and love?
The humor(less) savior has arrived!
Generate a world on survival (difficulty at your choosing)
Scan surrounds (for trees and landmarks)
Gather wood (and craft)
Construct a house
Craft a pickaxe and collect coal
Construct a stone pickaxe and look for iron (if it is sunset and playing at easy-hard hide in your house and pass the night)
Create a furnace and torches and smelt iron
Once you have a set of armor/armour, sword, and pickaxe made of iron you are now a force to be reckoned with.
Part 2 to the trilogy awaits you!
Pack 1-2 stacks of torches, a crafting table, furnace, and an iron pickaxe
Find a decent cave system and travel deep inside to about y: 16, diamonds and lava are common here
Look for diamonds (try to get at least 7 (sword, pickaxe, enchanting table))
Collect 14 obsidian (with diamond pickaxe) and construct a nether portal
You now need to be on easy or harder
Find and farm a blaze spawer until you have 7 or more blaze rods
Return to the overworld as a "Conquerer of the Nether"
Hunt endermen until you have over 12 ender pearls
You have become a fearless adventurer.